Handling unsolicited calls

Quite often, we get calls from banks selling their products. There are a number of interesting ways to handle them. Here are a few:

• “Your voice sounds sweet. Are you free for dinner to-night?”
• “Yes, I would definitely need this loan because my house was sealed yesterday for non-payment of home loan EMI, my vehicle was stolen last night and the insurer tells me that it was my fault that I left the car keys in the lock.”
• “Right now I am drunk. I would like to take this loan you are offering before I am too sober to realise that I will use this loan amount to get drunk and go broke in 20 days. Can you please send your representative to ‘Bikes & Barrels’ bar within the next 20 minutes?”
• “Occupation? I am a movie stuntman. I am 6’6”, weigh 104.5 kg and my claim to fame is that I was beaten badly by Dhanush in his last movie after I drove an Enfield Thunderbird over his chest.”
• “I am a bonded labourer working night shifts in Pallavaram quarrying near the mountains. Of course, it is illegal, that is why we have night shifts.”
• “Can I have your home phone number so that I can call you like you did just now?”
• “I am an astrologer by profession. My stars tell me that if I take this offer, your life will be cut short brutally. Do you want to proceed?”
• “Thanks for calling. Yes, I can use the loan to pay my bail. Did I mention I am in jail for embezzlement of funds? Hello, hello!!”
• “Do you receive personal calls at your work desk and speak to the caller for half-an-hour? No, right? Nor do I. Good-bye”.